there was this huge and horrifying rat in our house the other day. but it's life has been ended when our helper (let me use my sister's words) "bludgeoned it several times with a domex bottle" which is as horrifying as it sounds. But it definitely left a mark in our lives because before it drifted of into rat paradise, it comepletely  chewed through our internet line and i have been without my precious internet for the past five days. I was getting withdrawal syndrome, good thing my dad came home with his fabulous lap top and which i plan to use and abuse until the wee hours of the morning. oh, the simple peasures of life.

today I had to go to TMA to get my recommendation forms filled, and mostly the whole class was there. It was their first day so they were just half day but I was able to see Michelle, Adi, Tamy and some of the guys. Chloe was so mad at me for not telling her that I was moving away. Gikko hasn't come home yet. He's probably on the plane right now, on the way here. Michelle wouldn't stop hugging me and Reinier was doing that hilarious (but sweet, really) tampo act that had me smiling, in spite of myself. I had to hold back tears. I guess i missed them more than I let myself believe. It made me think why I'm moving away in the first place. This is totally my choice, and I do regret it a little, seeing as how much I missed them. But this is something that I just have to do. My mental health relies on it. I just have to know if this something that I want is better, that this will make me happy. I would rather have a less than satisfactory time for the next two years than to not know how it would go at all.

I was telling sila Adi that they should come over to the house and we could play monopoly again. Yabang ni Tamy, she'll just beat us nalang ulit daw. Adi mentioned that we should go out when Gikko comes home. I said ok, but I really don't want to. There are too many questions with him, too many unanswered questions about moments and words that were said that just didn't seem to matter to him. How can someone say something yet do something else that directly contradicts what they say? Is the hypocrisy voluntary? Or can't he help himself? It's just frustrating that I know that we're still playing this game and he seems content to hide behind the pretext of friendship, so content to keep me guessing when I know that I don't have that much time because I'm leaving and that means that i'm not a part of his life anymore and i just know that i'll be wondering forever if what was there could have been something different but then i'll never know because if I know him as well is I think I do, the most I'll ever get out of him now is a "take care, have fun" text message.

i don't know if i was making sense but i guess that's all i wanted to say.